wtfanon.com presents: Asylum Seekers Face Aggressive Tactics on the Northern Border

Intrepid reporter from wtfanon.com, Razil Bathbone, followed a group of migrants who left from Louisiana and set foot to reach the Canadian border before winter.  With only the clothes on their backs and satchels of books draped over their shoulders, this small group, consisting of many extended family members, fled to the north.  We caught up with Razil as he joined the group who were just leaving International Falls in the dead of night on 2 small fishing boats crossing the boundary waters.  Powered only by 1/2 horse trolling motors, which are deceptively quiet, the boats swam through channels and past deserted vacation homes in an attempt to reach Canadian soil before the sun rose and the border patrols hit the water. In these dark, fearful hours our wtfanon.com reporter, risking his own life, began to ask the hard questions we all want answers to.  Here is a transcript of the audio Mr. Bathbone uploaded live to our site.

Razil:  (Whispering) Aldon Bailey, father of nine and coordinator of the daring escape, is the only one who will talk to us.

We've been traveling in and out with you and your group for a couple weeks now and no one has really talked about the reasons why your family is on this journey, this trek across the country.  Can you fill me in on any details as we near your destination?

Aldon:  Freedom brother.

Razil: Can you explain further?

Aldon:  It's like this, we ain't got no freedoms back home.  The government, who we thought was finally on our side after Mr. Trump got elected a 3rd time, started to get a little too, what's the word, limiting, I guess you'd say.

Razil: A 3rd time you said, what does that mean?

Aldon:  Well after the big steal, he ran again and won, again, so 3.

Razil: Ok, but he didn't win in 2020, you realize . . . oh, nevermind.  You said limiting, what do you mean by that?

Aldon:  Well, we thought everything was going great in the beginning.  Project 2025 really was a hit with all of us.  Getting rid of the queers and teaching the Bible in school, it was finally the America we was promised 200 and some years ago.  I remember me and my friends from the swap meets were high fivin' and just havin' a good old time, watching the military rounding up all the queers and puttin' em in prison.  Burning all those woke agenda books.  Getting rid of green energy and pumping out oil faster 'an we could even burn it.  The FBI gone, the department of education gone, no more EPA telling us what we could and couldn't eat, drink or kill.  It truly was America again. 

Razil:  I've noticed you have bags and bags of books, I assumed you were trying to save some of our most important writings.

Aldon:  These books here, in the gunny sacks?  They're every Bible and Ayn Rand book we could find.  All safe and preserved for generations to come.

Razil:  Oh Jesus, I thought . . .

Aldon:  That's right, Jesus. 

Razil:  Ok, well I had different ideas of what you were doing then.  But tell me, why are you fleeing if everything seemed so great?

Aldon:  Well, I guess the biggest thing is probably them social credits they started handing out.  You know, if you do all the things they tell ya to do and don't do all the things they tell ya don't do, you get social credits and get certain privileges.  I guess that's where I said 'whoa.'

Razil:  That was your breaking point?

Aldon:  Well that and they banned (whispering) porn.  Look I got 9 kids, all of 'em boys and my wife's nethers is usually so swollen and sore from having all those babies she don't let me near her any more.  You can only kill so many queers and burn so many books before your mind starts wondering and you just wanna, you know, relieve urself.  My imagination ain't so good, I ain't a creative type like the gays, so I need some visuals, you know what I mean.  I ain't got no daughters to wed like they used to do in the bible so I have to get those impure and overwhelming desires out of my head and I like (whispering) porno for that.  I'm sure Canada is full of girls just waiting for me and my boys though.

Razil:  Alright, this really has taken a turn I didn't expect Aldon.  I guess just one more question before we get to the border and that is, how do you think the Canadians will except you when you arrive?

Aldon:  Don't much bother me really.  Our plan is to infiltrate their communities and one by one take 'em over and change their culture.  Kind of like we did with the injuns a few hundred years ago and what the mooslims are trying to do to our country today. Oh, Jesus Christ, will ya lookey that . . . 

It was here in the audio recording that we could hear what sounded like a helicopter and shouting.  Unfortunately we are not sure what happened to Mr. Bathbone or the members of Aldon's family. We can only assume the gunfire at the very end of the recording may have put an end to the long and harrowing journey of the migrant Bailey family.